Yeah, that's about right.

My wife, talking about the late-night talk show topic: "They say if you have red in your bedroom, you have trouble sleeping."


As I laugh uproariously, she follows it with, "We must just fuck ourselves into exhaustion every night."


Yes, indeed...

Yeah, let's DO that

My wife, last night as we were lying in bed, talking about our romantic pasts:

"Let's be friends. Friends who fuck each other a whole bunch."

I should note that what my wife and I have is so, SO much more than one's typical "friends with benefits" situation, but I still thought that was hilarious...

Did it how?

After having sex right before I go to work (I had my shirt on, but was pantless -- Robb Allen, you are such a bad influence! -- and going commando), my wife says:

"Dude, we totally did it porn-style! White athletic socks and nothing else!"

UPDATE: Wife says as I type this, "Are you now taking notes?"

As I answer in the affirmative, she laughs uproariously. Such a beautiful laugh she has. :-)

So, what's this all about, you ask?

There's been an ongoing joke for a while between my wife and me in which I say now and then, after something particularly racy or ribald, "Hey, another entry in the 'Things I Cannot Blog' blog!" Been mulling over the idea of actually starting it, and I finally did it. Wanna help me out? I invite and eagerly welcome reader submissions. Got a "Thing I Cannot Blog," something you wanna see in print you think is funny but the participants in said activity or exchange would kill you if they knew you blogged it? Send it to me at:

thingsicannotblog at gmail dot com

I will gladly change the names to protect the innocent. I do it for my own exploits; it would be more than a tad hypocritical for me not to do it for anyone else's, no?